the beginning

When I was young my mother told me that my first name, Karissa, meant loving in Greek. I find it fascinating that for the most part, a name can tell you so much about a person without knowing anything else about them. I’ve come to believe that it is a direct result of a few specific factors. One of the first of these variables is that parents who name their children a particular name may have similarities to other parents who are drawn to that same name. Names are more common within their own cultures than outside of them, already making the communities that those names blossom from more similar to each other in respect to standards of living, class, wealth, customs, dress etc. Another factor is that over time names tend to repeat; and as a community, humans have a collective unconscious, so subconsciously we have developed a universal understanding of how a Tiffany or a Jason might behave (for example). In conjunction with this idea, because communities have pre-determined ideas of how individuals are “supposed to act,” they treat them according to those expectations, which must inevitably affect their reactions, and therefore play an important role in the development of their personality and character traits in general. My mother told me that my name meant loving in Greek, I feel like that idea has shaped the way I see myself from a very young age. I wanted to be loving; it seemed to have more depth in comparison to those with names who meant “beautiful” or “gift from God.” To be loving meant that I was open-minded, empathetic and willing to take risks. I recently looked my name up on an online dictionary, to find that in fact Karissa doesn’t mean loving as I have always believed and tried to live up to; it means “beloved.” Suddenly this new title makes me sound passive rather than a force giving to those around me, as I sounded before. Have I lived the life of another under the misunderstanding of my own name? No. Everyday, I actively work towards becoming the person I’ve always wanted to be.

I was born at home on a couch pillow with a midwife, because my mother wanted full control of the conditions in which I was born into. She wasn’t a sheep, and she raised my siblings and me as a single mother, to be self sufficient, freethinkers with a sense of creativity that we had to develop more like a survival skill. Growing up in a resourceful family like mine, (and by resourceful I mean financial unstable) we looked after each other as equals and found excitement in unconventional places. It was essential to be able to acknowledge the difference between necessity and luxury, and as I grew older I developed pleasure in minimalism. Not as a design style, but as a way of living with greater freedom - knowing yourself on an existential level without material armor. Without a television as a child, I turned to crafts. I started making my own clothes by the age of three, by the time I was ten I was the head seamstress for a community theatre group, and at sixteen I was interning in Los Angeles for a ready wear collection. I love working with my hands. Creation is one of the most satisfying experiences, and affecting the lives of others in a positive way as a result, is one of the most gratifying acts.

Strengths and interests are often one and the same, I have come to believe this is true because most children are rewarded for their natural abilities and that is what shapes the activities they take particular interest in, as they get older. This along with my obsessive-compulsive tendency is why I think I have strength in my craftsmanship abilities. I also find personal enjoyment in presentation and communication skills. I love thinking. I love thinking about thinking, and why we think the way we think, and what influences have shaped our individual experiences. In other words, I am fascinated with the idea of perception, and how these concepts are formed as well as how to adapt them. In addition to thinking, I can’t help but talk about it. Often talking thoughts out, help me fully understand and organize all the things I’m accumulating in my head. Speaking to others is incredibly rewarding, because I often feel that I have discovered profound meaning in even the simplest details and I want to share it. Sometimes I am aware I can seem over dramatic, and I worry that others see me as pretentious, because of my overwhelming passion and enthusiasm, but I love the way I experience the world, and I see my excitement and drive as a strength more than a weakness. I like to think positively, and therefore don’t usually think of the things I’m less passionate about as weaknesses, but more as things that I haven’t gotten around to dedicating myself enough to, in order to fully develop. This upcoming thesis year, I plan on developing areas which have taken more of the back seat recently including but not limited to: research and rendering.

I strive to live life with poise, presence, and purpose.

Karissa Bieschke, September 8, 2008.